Care

There are times when I feel that people expect me to be a certain way-- the 'way' that they're used to or the 'way' that they think I ought to be. And that really irritates me sometimes. Can't I just be whatever I am? Whatever I feel like? It's not that they're forcing me to be something I'm not. It's more like some people are expecting me to always be this mild tolerant concerned person no matter what. It begs the question: if I'm not as nice as you think I am, would you still like me? And hey, are they forgetting that I do get pissed off too? And I believe I  have the privilege of not being concerned about other people as much, especially when I have a lot of other things to be concerned about as well. Can I not be selfish sometimes? Because I do get worn out. And that's what I'm afraid of. That one day I'll just stop caring because I'm just too tired-- something that shouldn't happen, especially since I've chosen a career in health care. And becoming a doctor who doesn't care is the absolute worst thing that I never want to be.


So I'm sorry if I don't appear to care as much as these people would like me to or expect me to or whatever. Because I do care, even if I don't always go out of my way to show it. But I have to have something left for myself. 


So if you're asking why I don't appear to care much, I might ask you the same question.